So I’m a Buddhist.
So I’m a Buddhist. Which means I do Buddhist things like meditating and practicing loving kindness, patience, equanimity and so on. There are a million different ways to practice this Path and lots of important things to keep in mind while doing so like impermanence, suffering and not-self. But lately I’ve caught myself doing something very unlike ‘me’, something that is helping me in a tremendous way, something I never would have thought of doing if I hadn’t started studying and practicing Buddhism. I’ve been watching my mind and reminding myself not to believe everything I think.
This may n0t seem to be a big deal to some but to me it’s monumental because over the course of my life I’ve given a great deal of trust and belief to my thoughts and feelings. I’ve always believed that my feelings and ideas were very important and meant important things. I’ve relied on my mind to tell me the truth all my life and it’s only now, at the age of forty, that I understand how big a mistake that was.
It’s a mistake to put our trust in our thoughts and feelings because our minds are very good at playing tricks on us and our minds are in the habit of reinforcing what we want to believe instead of what the truth actually is. We really are deluded beings and the more we watch our minds the more that truth becomes apparent.
So lately I’ve noticed myself automatically correcting my mind. I’ll be sitting doing some needlepoint and thinking about things and notice how my mind starts to react to the thoughts I’m thinking. For example, I’ll start thinking about something in my life that’s not going as planned and I instantly start feeling angry. At first my mind will trick me into believing that whatever thoughts I’m thinking are worthy of making me angry, of making me suffer. Then I’ll catch myself. I’ll start thinking, “These thoughts that are making me angry, and the anger itself, isn’t important in the grand scheme. They’re not worth the suffering. They’re not solving the problem, they’re only making it worse. Don’t believe your mind when it tells you these thoughts are important to think. They’re not. They’re impermanent and will come and go. They hold neither importance nor solutions, just more suffering. They’re not important enough to hold on to, so let them pass.”
I’ve never done anything like this before in my life. I’ve always been a brooder to a certain degree and believed all my thoughts and emotions had great validity. This has caused me great suffering in the past. In fact, when very bad things happened in my life I had a tendency to get lost in my thoughts about them. It felt like being caught in a loop of painful thinking and I couldn’t, or thought I couldn’t, drag myself out of it.
But that never happens anymore. I don’t nurse my anger or sadness or fear anymore. I don’t sit and saturate myself in thoughts of being hard done by or injured by someone. I still find myself starting to nurse some of these thoughts but now I’m able to nip them in the bud, before I get caught in the loop and before they escalate. I’m learning how to let go. Finally.
The thing that strikes me is that I feel like a child again. As a child I was resilient and I naturally lived in the moment. It was only as I got older that I lost my way and started imprisoning myself in my negative thoughts, living in the past, nursing sadness or anger or feelings of self pity. It feels to me that I got in my own way and once I got out of my way my mind naturally went back to its healthy way of experiencing the world. I’m learning how to get over myself and get out my way so the resilience of childhood and the natural tendency to live in the moment can resurface on its own. As it does.
I’m still at the beginning of this Path and I know there’s much more work to be done. But the simple fact that I’m catching myself when I’m putting too much faith in my thoughts is a sign of progress to me and it renews my energy and encourages me to keep going, keep practicing. I know results aren’t always what they’re cracked up to be and there’s no use in getting caught up in them. But a few signs of progress here and there go a long way and I’m grateful for them. In Buddhism it’s always a new day, another opportunity to do better, to be better and to get better. My heart is full of gratitude for the Buddhadhamma.
Brigid
Blessings on you for learning to get out of that. ((((((((((hug)))))))))))))
I like the way you described Buddhism as seeing the world through the eyes of a child. The story goes that the Buddha experienced an inner peace as a child meditating under a tree and when he was searching for enlightenment many years later, he tried to recreate that feeling.
As we get older, we become preoccupied with worry and commitments, and forget how to simply be. I had some problems a few days ago and couldn't get rid of the anxiety. I sat down to meditate and simply focused on the way I was feeling -- my rapid heartbeat, my mind objects, my emotions... Soon everything became clear and the solution appeared like a ship approaching from an ocean horizon.
I've only been practicing for about four or five months and I often fall off the path, but as time goes on, I fall off less and less.
Namaste
I like the way you described Buddhism as seeing the world through the eyes of a child.
Namaste
Always assuming that you had a secure and loving childhood. Personally I would HATE to go back to the way I was as a child, seeing and feeling things the way I did then.
But I do understand this is meant to refer to a "normal" or idealized childhood
What a lovely post. I know exactly what you mean. For me it's that healthy doubt --"maybe this is just a thought rather than reality" --that can let a crack of light into the dark airless room of worry or rumination. This can ultimately lead me to someplace where the thought is still there but there is much more space around it and it has lost its power over me . I don't find I can always do this, but when I can, it's very liberating.
As I understand it, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has some similarities to this. CBT teaches people to recognize those negative thought patterns and replace them with more constructive, positive ones. The difference, I believe, is that whereas CBT teaches people to use our rational minds to argue against the thoughts. Mindfulness is gentler; it's more about settling, seeing your thoughts for what they are, and letting them exist in a larger and brighter space.
Best,
Ben
I'm a Buddhist too!! woohooo!
or maybe the term is Nutbag.??
Cheers all,
regards,
Me
Big, gentle ((((((Hugs))))) right back to you, Knitwitch.
Hi, Kubo, and welcome to the forum! So lovely to see a new face.
I loved the way you put it:
Hey, Ben.
Great post! I think you've hit the nail on the head with your description of CBT and Mindfulness training. I use both techniques in different situations and I agree with you completely. I loved what you wrote:
You said it so well, so gently; One can hardly help but go back and read it again and again, you reminded us all of our "thinking" problems: living under the influence of harmful thinking.
Thanks for being such a good writer and such a dear sister to us all!
Fondly,
Nirvy
I have just had the good fortune to read your post and it really is beautiful.
As a newcomer on this path, and a "sufferer" or a person recovering from panic disorder and agoraphobia this struck a real chord with me.
Through meditation and the teachings I am coming to view my experience of anxiety as something completely different to what I thought it was. It is an experience made up of lots of little causes and conditions such as thoughts, perceptions, old beliefs, thoughts about the past, about the future, false perceptions of symptoms.......all this adds up to one seemingly solid "thing" called anxiety or panic.
Things certainly are not what they appear to be. Thoughts do not need to be labelled good or bad or followed; they are just what they are - thoughts. With awareness as our sword we can cut through perception and leave thought to it's own devices and allow it to float out of our attention the way it came in.
I would never have thought it possible to be able to sit with pain or suffering and just leave it be and let it be. It is a magical, spiritual awakening of it's very own.
I cannot tell you how grateful and happy I am to have my life back, have some peace and to finally be able to control (to some degree) my own monkey mind after thinking I was crazy for two decades. This allows me to be able to let go of myself little by little, and start looking at helping others; I have room for people now and do not see them as a drain on my energy.
I am so grateful to the teachings and to the Buddha and may we all be free of suffering.
I am so grateful to the teachings and to the Buddha and may we all be free of suffering.
Your whole post, but particularly the quotation above, is exactly, and I mean exactly, the way I feel. It never ceases to amaze me how similar some people's experiences can be, even total strangers like you and me. Amazing. I have a panic disorder too and after 30 years of trying everything I could find to help me cope, Buddhism turned out to be the only medicine that worked. Finding Buddhism has been the most important thing that's ever happened to me and not an hour goes by when I don't feel grateful for it. Like you, I'm so grateful to have my life back. To have hope again, to actually look forward to the future instead of worrying about it or dreading it. Thanks for your lovely reply, Lisa. I'm so glad we could share our experiences and find such remarkably common ground.
While other people can be happy for your happiness, only people who have suffered in a similar way can empathise with your suffering.
Since I have "come out" about my mental health problems, I have made contact with other, lovely, inspiring people who have been through similar experiences. We form a band - the survivors - nothing else in this life can be as bad as what we have already known ... what is there to be afraid of now? Go forward in hope.