inter religions marriage

[angulimala]

hi,
i want to know what's your opinion about inter religions marriage. in western countries i think it's not a problem,but in my country it could become a problem. our government has the policy of one religion marriage,so when a couple of different religions want to get married one of them must convert. for some unreligious people it's not a big problem,just change their religions like changing clothes.
it's a dillema for me,since i'm so 'attached' to buddhism if i get married i dont want to convert,but the problem is buddhists become 'endangered species' here in my country,so it's hard to find buddhist partner. thanks for your opinion and advice

[DharmaKitten]

Goodness! I'm from the United States and I can't hardly imagine what it must be like for you since our government doesn't concern itself with religious matters - at least no where near the degree that yours does. What excuse does your goverment give for telling people that they and their spouse must be of the same religion?

Over here, there are many people who marry people of other religions or, if they are of the same religion, marry people of other denominations. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but the same can be said of marriages where both people agree on religion. I believe that when there is a problem, it is generally because they can't agree on what to teach their children - something they might not have thought about beforehand, or didn't realize they'd care so strongly about.

I think that the success of interreligion marriages has more to do with the people themselves then what religions they are a part of. To make it work, the couple should be able to look past small differences, make compromises when possible, and avoid arguments they know have no good resolution. It helps if the people aren't the type that think that their's is the only "true" religion, but rather that theirs is the best way for them to connect with their spiritual side.

As for your situation, what would conversion really mean? What would you have to give up, specifically? For me, Buddhism has been more of an inner practice so people don't know I'm Buddhist unless I tell them. However, I would not blame you for being upset if conversion meant giving up going to a temple or being able to tell others about your beliefs. I hope that you find someone that is Buddhist so you don't have to live a lie.

By the way, my husband and I were both Christian when we were married. Now I'm Buddhist and he's some other sort of pagan. We've had our ups and downs over the past 3 and a half years, but religion has been the least of our problems. So, it can work.

[federica]

We take our liberty for granted here in the West. We forget that it's not the same situation for others.... I too, like DharmaKitten, hope that you can find someone like-minded with whom to share your life.... who of you two would have to change? You? because you are in the minority? I hope that, even if you do ever have to consider changing your affiliation, you can still be with a partner who will be open and receptive to your views. Would you openly have to adopt their religion, to the point of visiting their place of worship? Where do you come from again? What is the leading religion there?

[federica]

Indonesia... main religion, Islam..... Golly, that's quite a swing.....

[angulimala]

hi adiana hi fed,
the reason why our govt make this policy is lot of muslims convert to xtianity through marriage. the majority(muslim) feel threat,so the govt issue the policy of one religion marriage.if a couple insist on getting interreligions marriage,so the marriage certificate will not be legalized.
actually buddhism is also under xtianity 'threat' too.thanks to their active evangelism now lot of buddhists (traditional buddhist) convert to xtianity,buddhism still survives in some area(usually remote area),but in java,the island where i live, lot of people including my parent have converted to xtianity.and the worse thing is lot of them become fanatic. what i really feel sorry for is lot of hot chicks are among them :( :)

[federica]

Well, Angulimala, I guess some folks have to make sacrifices.... hot chicks or no hot chicks, life in any form takes effort. like I said before, just because you have to convert to a Religion, it doesn't mean you have to practise it openly... Love can overcome many things, and I speak from experience. The most important thing is to find someone who will love you no matter what. That is far more important. facing things together will sustain any outer differences and help you overcome obstacles. Both the Buddha and Christ spoke of Unconditional Love, and many Buddhist sages consider Christ to have been a boddhisttva of great ability.... so it's not all bad..... :)

[Seiryu]

I am so glad I live in America! I don't think I would give up Buddhism to get married. I agree with Federica, I wouldn't marry anyone who wanted me to give up Buddhism to marry him.

[Brian]

If a person wants you to change as a condition to a lifelong commitment, then the commitment itself is sort of voided by that "clause"... It's the difference between "conditional" and "unconditional" - and something lifelong should certainly be unconditional.

[federica]

I couldn't have put it better myself, Brian, but of course, Angulimala's original dilemma is that it's his country's political policy to convert one spouse at the time of marriage, not the partner's... this one's a bit of a stinker, innit....?

[Knight of Buddha]

I am told quite often that I should marry a nice, tattooless, catholic girl. Sorry, I know plenty of them, they aren't my type.

Anyway, as long as the couple can see past their differences and accept one another, i'm sure it can work out.

[comicallyinsane]

My wife is a non Buddhist. It's ok. I know I irritate her a bit when I ask her why she has to kill bugs in the house. She understands me though. :bigclap:

[DharmaKitten]

LOL, I'm bug-phobic. I ask my hubby to squish them for me but he usually takes them outside and let's them go. I think it's a little funny that he's so sensitive like that, but I also love him dearly for it.

[angulimala]

LOL, I'm bug-phobic.

i'm a mosquitoes and roaches slayer. every time i find them i wont hesitate to help them reincarnated,they are created to be killed.

[emmak]

Good theory Angulimala! LOL! I wish I had thought that one up myself...

[DharmaKitten]

i'm a mosquitoes and roaches slayer. every time i find them i wont hesitate to help them reincarnated,they are created to be killed.

LMAO! I love that. I think if I was a roach I'd want to be reincarnated into something else!

[ajani_mgo]

Haha!!! I am one peaceful warrior, I won't kill bugs of any kind... But I got one friend who will kill one whenever she sees one... It's a failure to get her to stop that... But that's not the point...

The point is that, I have never heard of one-religion marriages in Indonesia... Man, it's a real difficult choice to make... I'm glad I'm born in your dear neighbour's land... Which part of Indonesia do you come from? I've heard that in Bali, where Buddhists and Hindus make up large numbers, no one gives a damm, just don't tell the authorities. [Please don't take my word as authority to break any law]

[angulimala]

hi ajani,
i live right down under your island, java,in bandung city.do you know the place?

[ajani_mgo]

yea sure~ java is a good place~ nice sceneries~ not that i've been there before... just that i seen it in the textbooks alot...

i hate it when other religions get into deep shit along with Christianity... Not racist here but oh man... That's the truth! Personally I have studied the Islam religion before and I think that it's loads nicer than Christianity. And I think it's only tradition for Buddhists to get bullied along everywhere... China... Tibet... India... Seem like we are too peace-loving, which I think is a good thing!

You can convert, then unconvert, can you? But will your spouse mind?